it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
