Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
