If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
