youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
