PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
