Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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