NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
