Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
