for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
