Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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