Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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