every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So vagazzling was a success
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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