anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
