New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I believe in your delicious
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
