I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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