i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
