Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
