These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
