Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
