shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
