Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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