Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
