I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
