I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
BRING THE BAGELS
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
