i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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