so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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