Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
