just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
