he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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