Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
