I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
