do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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