she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
