3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
