oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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