I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I know her cup size but not her name....
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