I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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