Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
