The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
