went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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