i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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