Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
two words...techno handjob
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
