Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize