you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
