bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
