yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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