Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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