do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
