I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
