Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
