Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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