got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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