hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so let's talk penis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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