i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
