An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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