dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
