singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
