there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
