Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
