I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize