Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
