the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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