I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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