He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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