who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
