'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
that's an acceptable place to lick
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
