omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
3pm strippers are depressing
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
