So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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