it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
