my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
