Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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