Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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