I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
