I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
