Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
