that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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