sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
