we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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