she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
