just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize