I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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