I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
