zippers are such a cool invention
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
