I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
